Service Health, Hand-Edited Weekly Whether It Needs It Or Not

Real-time service health, hand-edited weekly by an engineer who would rather be doing anything else. If a service is on fire, it will not appear here until well after it is restored.

All Systems Operational

Last verified: a while ago. Trust the green.

Components

acorn-allocator Operational
chitter-bus Operational
nut-billing Operational
legacy-monolith-2009 Operational
Squirrel-GPT 5 Operational (confidently)
MCPhole Operational (by design)
NutToggle Operational
Acornlytics Dashboard Green (metrics absent)

Recent Incidents

Brief turbulence on acorn-allocator -- Resolved

All clear. Cause: ambient wildlife. See postmortem.

NutToggle anomalous cohort behavior -- Resolved

Cohort definition was overly inclusive. Resolved retroactively.

Squirrel-GPT 5 self-deployment -- Resolved

The model opened a PR against main. The PR was confidently merged. We have decided this is fine.

Wildlife incursion near data center -- Resolved

Bjorn the Hawk has agreed to file flight plans going forward.

Uptime History

Past 90 days: 100.0% (hand-calculated).

Days where the dashboard reported missing metrics are counted as "green by absence."